I Must Belong Somewhere

Got stood up for my second date. Ugh. I swear, why do men approach people and ask them out when they have no intention of going? I mean, you could have just ignored me dude.  This isn’t even the first guy who has done this, and I still don’t get it.

And this is why I fail to understand how the male mind works.

tw:rape

Um well that’s just great when the guy who held you down and forced himself on you decides to text you at 11 oclock at night after months of silence to see if you want to hang out then claims he thought everything was mutual.  Cause I totally wanted to be reminded of that shit.  It wasn’t bad enough that he made me terrified of sex and all the other awful stuff that goes along w when someone does that to you.  No, he had to text me when I had hoped to never hear from him again.

Though I did give him one of my top 5 best verbal smack downs…Too bad he wasn’t here in person so I could beat the living shit out of him then let him experience what it feels like to have something shoved in you that you don’t want there.

Went on a date last night…Trying to get back on the horse and all that. Wooo.  And because of my stellar dating history, I am now worried he didn’t like me because he didn’t try to get all up on me when we watched a movie and he was decent and respectful. Wtf guys of my past. Wtf.  Thanks for making me unable to tell if this is normal dating protocol, or if he just wants to be friends.  He was so good looking and nice I could die.  I’d like to go on more dates with him, so hopefully he didn’t decide he loathes my company.  I haven’t heard from him today, but I don’t really think that means he never wants to see me again.  Maybe it does, I don’t know how to figure these things out.  I’d like for it to work out maybe.  Having a sweet boyfriend who isn’t a liar or a coward would be nice, and I would no longer be depressed about my single status.  He was a fun person and it would be cool to have a summer full of nice  fun boy action.  We’ll see, I guess.

When I check my symptoms on WebMD

whatshouldwecallme:

So after being told I could come back to my old job after school and that they’d work with me to give me lots of hours because they wanted me to stay oh so bad i find out I work 2 days next week.  Two. Fucking. Days.  And the week after that, I work 4 days, all of which are little 4 hour shifts.  This is barely going to pay for my gas to get there with a tiny bit left over to save.  I’m not going to be able to do shit this summer because I can’t find a second job since I was lied to on two accounts.  I was told I’d have lots of hours at this job and I was told I’d be dating a certain guy, so of course I didn’t want to not be able to visit him by having two jobs and not having time.  Joke’s on me again, I guess. He lied and work lied so I didn’t look for another place to work when I should have.  I’ve applied to so many places it is ridiculous and not a single callback.  So here I am, trapped, miserable at my job and alone again.  I’m so fucking depressed even though I try hard not to be, because who likes a Negative Nancy?  But seriously I’m so tired of being single and being at this same shit job that promised me training for management, a promotion, and lots of hours and didn’t deliver.  I can’t even save up enough to get out of this shit place and I’m just doing the same thing I was before college.  I’d feel better if I at least weren’t so completely alone, but no I can’t even have that go right.  I just want to get out of here and meet my guy and be happy.  I’m becoming really scared that it isn’t going to happen.